i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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