i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
