its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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