My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i've created a new STD.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
