yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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