Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
