Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
