Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
