Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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