Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
