i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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