is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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