You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
