Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm really busy with my period
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