so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to have your abortion
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
