The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
