We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
