Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
