You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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