I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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