Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
