census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
