Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
