Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
