well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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