you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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