You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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