you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
