I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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