I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're making bets on your personal life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
