FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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