I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
