Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
