dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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