she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
