Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
