So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
