I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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