I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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