I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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