So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
