wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
