i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
tell me about the eggs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
