i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
