If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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