we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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