I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
