Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
