Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
