I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
they're like a gay fantastic four
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
